Scar Tissue

Open wounds hurt. They sting. They bleed. After a given time, they just stop though. Sometimes we bandage them up to help them heal faster, other times we let them breathe and hang out for the world to see what happened.

This can also be said for our emotional wounds. Whether it be a broken heart, the loss of a loved one, or even a rough time we’re going through, everyone handles their pain differently.

We drown ourselves in alcohol, therapy sessions, sad retail shopping, or the love of everyone around us; those are our bandages. And that is okay. Not everything can heal on its own.

Other times, we hold it in and suffer in silence. Which can be okay, too. Sometimes toxic, though.

Pain is only a temporary state of existence. Yes, time can heal all wounds, but time needs to have help and the patience for it to do it’s job.

The greatest part about flesh wound is, after they’ve stopped bleeding, stopped hurting, had their time to heal, they leave behind scars to remind us of a period in time. They remind us of where we’ve been.

Remember that time you were walking your friends dog and he got too excited and knocked you over?

Remember that time you were working, not fully paying attention, and knocked a pile of boxes on top of you?

Remember when you got in the middle of a dog fight?

Remember when you were playing your favorite sport, tore a ligament and had to have surgery?

When you were longboarding and ate shit on a hill?

Or the time you went camping and caught a burning marshmallow on your arm?

These are all points in your life leading up to your now. They’ve all helped to mold you into who you are in some way or another.

Some of these memories may still burn when you see the scar that came from it, but the best part about them?

Scar tissue fades, too.

A Letter to the 15 Year-Old Me

I know you’re going through some stuff right now, and I’m not going to tell you that things get better, but they do get easier.

Go make more friends; I can’t promise they’ll be around after high school, but you’ll have more memories. The memories are what count. Small talk sucks, but make it. And stop ignoring people that make you mad, that shit is annoying. Spend more time with Jakx. That girl is the biggest support you get, be better to her. You don’t meet your other two best friends for a few years, but they’re coming, and they’re amazing too. 

Your parents aren’t going to get through this, you already know that. One won’t make it at all. They need to figure this out on their own. Don’t let them use you and your sister as pawns.

Stand up for yourself. You have a fucking opinion. Use it whenever you can. Some people actually want to hear it, too.

Don’t go chasing love. Be open to it if it comes to you. Don’t try to hang on to it when it tries to leave. You’re going to have your heart broken in so many ways, be ready for it. Heartbreak sucks, but it forms you, and you’re pretty kick ass.

Let go. Nobody is actually judging you, and if they are, fuck them. Be wild and free. Stop saying “Well I almost”. That’s not fun. There’s a point where you have to buckle down and be serious. Be the fun girl until then. Try new things.

Listen to more music. Everything you hate now you end up loving. Just roll with it. Bands you stop listening to keep making great music you won’t hear for years. And yes, you still love Hawthorne Heights.

You’re going to end up in a weird relationship. Leave it. None of that is worth it. High school sweethearts are cute, but that is not for you.

9 years later, you still have no idea what your life is and what you’re doing with it. It’s a fun adventure to find it out though.

Save money. Actually figure out what is important, and that dumb cup isn’t. Take care of the possessions you have. Old is reliable.

Keep in touch with all your old friends from Jr high. They do cool shit with their lives. You do cool shit with yours. Do it all together.

Lastly, love yourself. Take care of yourself. You’re doing a good job now, but there’s always improvement. Write more. Sing along to more songs. Drink more water. Be you.