Every one has their down days, weeks, months, or even years. Every so often life seems to pin wheel out of control sending us on a dead end road in the middle of no where.
You know the times I’m talking about?
When even as you’re standing in a room completely full of people, you look around and think “I am so alone right now”. And every little thing makes you want to burst into tears for no logical reason.
I’ve been feeling that frequently over the passed couple weeks. No matter what happened or what I tried doing, I just couldn’t snap myself out of it.
This last Saturday, I stepped my game up. I threw on some comfy, warm (because it’s fall and everything after dark is like stepping into a freezer) clothes and took myself out to a concert one of my favorite bands was playing.
The first half hour or so was spent with that alone feeling. I was texting one of my best friends and my boyfriend, but still it sat in the pit of my stomach kicking my anxiety levels into gear and making me question why I even bothered going.
Then a band I like, that I didn’t realize was playing that night, came out, and that empty feeling fell away.
Music has this crazy, beautiful way of uniting a room full of strangers. I know I’ve said it before, but you can’t sit around and wait for someone to feed your happy. Recovering from an episode sometimes takes doing it yourself.
After the band played that I was there to watch, I left because I had to be up early. When I got back to my car I was overwhelmed by this feeling of… Me. I felt like me for the first time in a long while. I hadn’t realized I had missed that full part of me for as long as I have been.
I was unconditionally happy. Every worry I had been holding in had left. The fights I had that were weighing me down felt lighter.
The next couple days seemed to be easier to get through. I decided to get dressed up when my boyfriend wanted to go to dinner: dress, heels, full face of make up. That hadn’t been on my list of priorities in like.. months.
Taking that first step, putting on real clothes, getting out of my comfort zone for an evening, helped kick start a process that nothing else was turning over.
When we were younger, we’d play make believe. Pretend we were something we weren’t. Live out a fantasy as something magical, or what we wanted to be when we grew up. Somewhere along the line, that stopped. Why? We’re older. We know things we didn’t know back then.
Sure, our definition of make believe has changed.
That doesn’t have to stop us from dressing up and doing the thing that’s out of character for us.
Go do the thing.